God's grace to do ministry...

hi!

I haven't blogged in a long time - sorry I'm lazy with this.

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So I just got back from a 5 day camp.

I was asked to be the speaker for a Crusaders study camp.

- so this specific camp, was year 12 students who are about to sit their HSC, and they were all from private schools.

I was asked to give 1 Jesus talk each day.

When I was asked to do this, many questions ran through my head:

Should i do it!?

Am i even READY!?

What if i suck!?

I'm too young/inexperienced to do this..

I can recommend so many better preachers than me.

and the list of mental questions went on and on.

i was thinking so much that i even thought that it was an injustice to God's good news.. because i may not do a good job of preaching the gospel.. where as if it was someone else, they might do it better than me.. - hence maybe someone else should do it.

anyways, all these thoughts aside, I spoke with a few of my mentors and leaders, and they all told me I should go for it.

So i did.

I didn't even know what to expect.

I just knew that i knew nothing.

haha! read that line again!

i have no idea how to preach, i don't even know how to prepare a sermon

I don't know how to speak to an audience and make them engage with the talk

i don't know..... i don't know... i don't know...

wow. one thing i learnt about myself - is that i think too much.

God gave me a precious opportunity to rack up some preaching experience, to share His good news [which saved my life], and to walk out in my calling.

So i went.

and I learnt about another aspect of God's grace.

see, grace is getting something you don't deserve.

Justice: punch for a punch

mercy: not getting the punishment/wrath you deserve

grace: unmerited favour.. - getting a GOOD THING, which you DON'T deserve.

and God's grace was all over me.

ok. If i was to do like a critical evaluation of my 4 talks [Jiwon gave the day 4 talk! - Jiwon is: http://johnjiwonlee.blogspot.com/ ]

first talk: it was okay.. pretty decent i thought

second talk: was complete fail.. i didn't even know what i was saying up there.

third talk: okay.. better than the second day..

fourth talk: **jiwon**

fifth talk: really good

and that's kinda how i felt about my own talks.

now before we go on, i need to give you this disclaimer.. [some of you may not even know me that well]

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Preaching God's word is not about the preacher..

whether I sucked or not, is irrelevant - it was whether God wanted to speak through me or not.

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So I'm not saying that preaching God's word is about me.

all I am doing, is just externally processing [blog] whats going on in my head.

so yeah.

it was a long-ass camp! 6 day camp!

and throughout the camp i heard from different leaders - of different students getting saved, and different students recommitting to Jesus.

WOW!

How amazing is this?!!?!???!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!

it blows my mind.

i mean.. - it blows my mind that they got saved, and i just want to celebrate this forever.

but what also blows my mind is that God would use a pathetic, hopeless preacher like me.

that in His goodness and infinite wisdom, He used my pathetic words..

wow.

His grace is all over me.

Today was the last day of camp, and after i preached, it was morning tea time in the dining hall, and one of the students came up to me and another leader and just began to share his heart.. - and how he felt the desperate need to repent and get things right with God.

So we sat down with him and prayed with him.

He began to just weep in repentance.

right there in the dining hall, with all the yr 12 students walking about.

He just wept as he responded to the mercy and grace of God.

and i was reminded:

man.. this is the moment i live for..

it was..

glorious to say the least..

Later he told me that he felt a huge burden lift off him, and that he's feeling a real intense joy that he's never felt before..

haha!

God you are SO GOOD! and so much more committed to this broken world that I am!

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This one song has been wrecking me so hard these days.

its an old hymn, and its called "How deep the Father's love for us"

as I was driving back from the campsite, this song kept repeating in my head.

and i just began to weep..

How good is God?

some of you who will read this - you knew me 4 years ago right?

I was a fool!

absolutely pathetic and hopeless.. I was worshipping myself, and I thought i was "the man"

I deserved death, hell, eternal wrath and punishment. [because God is a perfectly holy God]

but instead, He poured out His wrath on His one and only Son Jesus..

.....and now I can enjoy my relationship with the Father.

...I wept as I drove back from the campsite.. and as i reflected on His grace over my life.

i couldn't control myself.. I had to weep more.

my prayer is that the words of song, would impact your heart in a new, intense, passionate way.

first one is a male voice.

and the second one is a female.

haha.. I'm funny right?

these are the words:

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom